This feels big.
The type of overwhelming big that makes you think, “maybe this was a bad idea.” The beginning of something is always scary I suppose. But the first post, it is big right? Like, we all have those middle school AIM names that we cringe at the thought of, or facebook or twitter posts that come up in timehop and you just want to go back and yell at your old self “WHAT IN ALL THE WORLD?” I think this feels so weighty because I really do not want this to be like that. (The AIM name was spazzgurl… and how about this gem
waiting for the bus at nyack is kinda scary… (im such a suburban dork)
— Megan Wojcinski (@meggiewojo) September 14, 2009
I have spent quite a bit of time (an embarrassing bit, if I am honest) stalling on this start. I have talked myself in and out (and in again, and out again) of beginning this blog. I have made excuses like, “I have to plan more” or “I need more time to research.” I have this voice in my head, I find I am fighting it even now, that is so loud, saying “who are you? What are your qualifications? Who cares about what you think?” That inner mean girl can be downright nasty. Maybe you can relate?
Lately I have been seeing just how much that mean girl has stolen from me, and I am kind of over it. Instead of letting her voice control my life, I am starting here by telling her “thank you for trying to protect me, but those words are not true and you are not serving me anymore.” I am starting here, with this first blog post, to live from a place of enough. My mind is enough, my voice is enough, my experiences are enough.
So here is to firsts, to the start of something new.
Here is to a graceful growing.
A growing, and regrowing in the depths of grace from Abba.
A grace-filled life grown deep, rediscovered, explored, experienced, shared.
A growing in grace for myself, grace for the journey, grace for fellow sojourners.
A place to share the journey of this graceful growing.
So, this is big, and it is not big at all.
I guess it’s like a peony. It begins as this small little bud that, with the right care, explodes into this huge beautiful flower. These posts may just be the buds, the beginnings of a journey to discovering myself and my passions. This blog just a garden to share the journey of growing. A garden that maybe inspires you to cultivate your own, whatever that looks like.
The starts may be small, maybe even a little chaotic, but dang, those flowers, when they come, they are sure something special.
So let’s start that garden eh?