Sometimes I wonder what marks me. I wonder what comes to mind when people think of me. Nanny? Loud talker? Fitness enthusiast? Christian? Blogger? Organization freak? (PSA: I am just going to stick to the positive thoughts that pop into my head or we could easily go down a dark dark hole).
Some things that mark us we can’t chose, I am a loud talker, thank you big Italian family. Some things we chose and wear proudly, and sometimes the endeavors we undertake mark us.
All of that is great, but I have been thinking that I want to go after another mark, & if I am honest, I would be really dang happy if it was the first thing that people thought about when they thought about me.
I desperately want to be a person so overflowing with gratitude that I am KNOWN for it. Because as a follower of a God who fiercely and sacrificially loves me, I should be. Because a mark of living in that faith is overflowing thankfulness. Because I have so much to be thankful for, it should be easy.
But I am coming to terms with the bitter reality that it isn’t easy, that I have to choose it and fight hard for it. Because when I don’t fight for that mark, its so quickly washed away by cynicism, depression, the relentless American desire for more and better. And lets be real about another bitter reality, the marks that come upon me when I don’t fight, those ones hurt me, and begin to mark those around me, and they are not marks I wear with pride. You know them, bitterness, discontent, impatience, lacking in grace.
The sad reality is though, thankfulness isn’t really trendy is it? Being publicly thankful is sometimes considered braggy, and when I think about it, I have been in way too many conversations that were bonded around complaining rather than rejoicing.
But like I said, if the mark of thankfulness is one I want, I have to work for it, and maybe even pay for it by laying down my trendy card, by being the awkward one who chooses to see the bright side, by doing the hard work of taking my thoughts captive and choosing gratitude.
This isn’t about pretending the poopy bits don’t stink, you all know me well enough to know a mark I do not bare is “pretender.” It is about recognizing that even to spite the poop, there is always something to be thankful for. Always and always. I don’t chose the poop, but I can chose to dwell in it, or to focus my attention on something that smells better, you know?
So today I am thankful for so many things. I don’t need to bore you with a list, but I am full of gratitude for a family that is and always has been there for me and Hubby. I am thankful for a Hubby who is so patient with me even when I stink of poo from dwelling a little too long in unthankfulness. I am thankful for sunshine and the ivy finally bloomed outside my living room window.
How about you?